The Robot Who Makes Our Tacos

Have you ever seen the intro to that cable tv show “Weeds”? It’s not exactly the best content, to be sure, but the intro to the show with the theme song is pathetically hilarious in its parody of suburbia. Here are the lyrics (written by Malvina Reynolds, copyright, etc, don’t sue me):

Little boxes on the hillside
Little boxes made of ticky-tacky
Little boxes on the hillside
Little boxes all the same
There’s a green one and a pink one
And a blue one and a yellow one
And they’re all made out of ticky-tacky
And they all look just the same.

2. And the people in the houses
All go to the university,
And they all get put in boxes,
Little boxes, all the same.
And there’s doctors and there’s lawyers
And business executives,
And they’re all made out of ticky-tacky
And they all look just the same

There are 2 more verses, but that’s all they use in the intro for the show.

So, tonight, waiting in line at the drive-thru of my local Taco Bell for my evening’s meal, I looked around and saw many other cars doing the same thing. There were 5 cars ahead of me in line. Then I looked to my right and saw a bunch of cars in line at KFC. Then I looked to my left and saw all the people waiting in line at Wendy’s drive thru. “Six-thirty-seven, drive forward please”

Then making my way home I notice the full parking lots at Chilis, Panera Bread, Panda Express, and on and on. Does anyone freaken’ cook in this town? I mean, I cook, but tonight I was eating alone and it was late, so I had an excuse.

And it all seemed so production line, too. Yeah, I understand that these establishments need to be as efficient as possible, but it’s getting a little too robotic. I say get out of the car every now and then, at least, to go INTO the restaurant, even if you’re going to be taking out. I mean, you should have seen all of the futless people when the hurricane hit. No power = no fast food = pandemonium! Man connot live on bread alone. He must also have his double-decker taco and double-cheese fries as well.

OK, convenience is leading to apathy, which will then lead to us being taken over by machines. I mean, come on people! Don’t you read the Dune books or watch the Matrix? And the more you look around, the more you see everyone doing the same thing.

Every other SUV has the “soccer mom” vinyl sticker on the back, touting the mediocre “accomplishments” of the drivers’ kids. OK, maybe that’s not globally deserved, but still…I bet in most cases, it’s just a miracle they got their kid out of the house and onto a soccer field.

Why not have “honesty” stickers for the back of our cars?  For example, “My kid does whatever the heck he wants, because I don’t have the stones to discipline him” or “My kid pretty much finishes his homework most of the time after his TV shows are done” Let’s celebrate mediocrity!

Then there’s the escapist types: “My son put down his Gamecube controller for 30 minutes today!” or “My kid can 0Wn your kid in World of Warcraft!”, or “My kid eats N00bs!”

God help us all. But as soon as I get that vinyl cutter and relevant supplies…Come on soccer moms and ticky-tacky people! Get your custom stickers right here! 2 for $10!

Alrighty then.

Josh
(Reposted from earlier last year on my old myspace blog. It was time.)

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